Don't Embitter Your Children

From Chris Price

JUNE 19, 2026

“Do not embitter your children, or they will become discouraged.” - Colossians 3:21

“Fathers, do not exasperate your children; instead, bring them up in the training and instruction of the Lord.” - Ephesians 6:4

Parenting…

I have a lot of advice about how to parent children under ten. The quality of the advice may be debatable, but I have plenty to share nonetheless.

I have no advice, or little advice, or no advice that I am sure of, when it comes to parenting teenagers. Parenting teens feels like trying to nail down a roof in the middle of a hurricane. You are taking your very life in your hands, while being unsure if you are making any progress.

It is not without cause that my friend once quipped to me, “Don’t ask yourself how many children you want. Ask yourself how many teenagers you want.”

That being said, I really like having teenagers. I don’t know what I am doing, but I still mostly enjoy it.

And I hope that some of the advice below still applies into the teen years.

Six ways to avoid exasperating your children

First

Prioritize connection over correction. If you prioritize correction, you will steadily lose connection and your child can grow embittered and exasperated.

Second

Don’t discipline for mistakes, discipline for disobedience. If you tell your child, don’t play football with the family heirloom on the mantle and they do it, it makes sense to discipline your child, appropriately and with their best in mind.

I’ve always thought that discipline like this was another way of saying, “I care about who you are becoming.”

If they accidentally knock over the heirloom, you may be upset, but the child made a mistake. We shouldn’t discipline for mistakes like spilt milk, or the breaking of a glass. They are growing into their bodies and learning, not rebelling against God-given parental authority.

Disciplining a child for honest mistakes could foster resentment in their heart.

Third

Don’t live your life through your child. They are not you. They are their own person. Don’t send them into the battle that is adolescence wearing your armour. Like David in Saul’s armor, it might not fit. Love your child for who they are, not for who you would like them to be. The ideal child in your mind, can be an “enemy” to the real child in your life; a crushing standard that they can never live up to.

Fourth

Your identity can’t be in your child’s performance. It will crush you too much when they fail, and it will be a source of unhealthy one-upmanship and pride when they succeed.

If our identity is tied to their performance we will take too much credit for their failures and too much credit for their successes. And they will likely feel the weight of us justifying our existence, worth and sense of self through them.

Fifth

Don’t project their worst moments far into their future. Children will have some low moments. We will not like some of the things we see. We will fear for their future if they never learn to take responsibility, grow out of this or that attitude, and learn the value of hard-work, or team-work, or any kind of work.

Don’t hit the pause button during that dark hour. Don’t freeze the frame when they have fallen on their face. And don’t project any of it far into their future.

Children grow and change.
Today is not forever.
Some of the worst teens are the best adults.
Why not ours?

Believe the best about their future, until proven wrong in the future. God will give you grace for whatever the outcome when you get there.

Sixth

Repent to your children. Own your mistakes. Say you are sorry. Engage in repair attempts.

Modelling genuine repentance and humility might be one of the greatest gifts we can give to our children.

Apart from us repenting of our sins, we will be in danger of embittering our children.

To close,

Take or leave any of the above encouragements.

I think it is mostly true that what you look for in life you will find, if by that statement you intend something very specific. Meaning, if you look for reasons to be encouraged, you will find many. But if you look for reasons to be disappointed, you will find many of those, too.

When it comes to parenting, this is not mostly true, it is very true.

Good parents (emphasis on the good) have a long and detailed list of their own failures and faults. Depending on how their child is doing at the moment, the list of failures may be in the background, or the forefront of their minds, but the list is long and always within reach.

So parents let me remind you that there are no perfect parents.

The best of us fail many times over.
The best of us have regrets.
The best of us are still broken, flawed humans, stumbling around in the light.
The best of us are in need of forgiveness and grace.

Parenting serves a function similar to the law of Moses.

The law doesn’t heal us, it reveals us.
The law doesn’t save us, it shows us we need saving.

Parenting does the same. And the good news is that there is a saviour who forgives all of our sins and extends to us grace after grace.

We need Jesus as much as our kids need Jesus. We need grace as much as they need grace. As children, and as parents, we never grow out of our need for grace.

Instead we grow more and more into our need for grace.

Parenting can act as a catalyst for a deeper dependence on grace.

Apply it to your life and apply it to the lives of your children.

So that in the midst of all the brokenness Jesus still looks beautiful.

And again, what you look for you will find. There are many reasons to be encouraged, friend.

You show up for your children.
You pray for your children.
You sacrifice for your children.
You say sorry to your children.
You love your children so, so much.
And you tell them.
And they know it.

You do many of the things on this list already, or you will.

You care enough about your kids to read this list.

Given how hard parents are on themselves, I can almost guarantee that you are doing better than you think.

Why not take a few moments and look for reasons to support that conclusion.
And be blessed.

You are doing better than you think.

And, even if you're not, you are still very loved.

This article is an augment connected to a teaching from our sermon series on the book of Colossians, 'Christ Over All.'